I believe in me

The last few weeks have been difficult for me. Challenges that I’ve had at work and with friends have resulted in challenges with my fitness plan. These compounded at the same time and at times I’ve been angry with people and myself, hurt by people, disappointed in people, my employer, and myself, and depressed. It’s been a tough few weeks. I’ve felt like I’ve been dog-paddling to keep my head above water while various people in a boat are dumping buckets of water on me.

Through all of this I’ve been reminded of one of the first big lessons I ever learned…people will let you down. The part I never really moved on to, until now, is perhaps what the rest of that is. If you can’t depend on people, who (or what) are you gonna depend on? It’s like they say on the airplanes when they’re talking about that hypothetical ‘falling out of the sky’ scenario, put your own air mask on before helping anyone else. You have to help yourself before you can help anyone else…or another way of saying it is, you better believe in yourself before you believe in anyone else. And you know what, the other passengers might let you down if you wait around for them to help you.

So today I’m reciting this over and over and over again…’I believe in me’. It’s simple, but so powerful that sometimes I can’t get it out, especially for someone with a lifetime of self-conscience issues and self-doubt. But my friends have proven to me that they won’t always be there. And my employer has proven to me that they may not even want me anymore.

I have to be grounded in me.

I have to be focused on me.

I have to be motivated for me.

Even though others may have the best intentions, I have to believe in me…if I don’t, who will?

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workout smarter, not harder

One of the realizations I’ve had lately is that I have to work out smarter, not harder. There were so many times when I was ‘on the wagon’, working out every day and just crushing it. I’d do all right at first with good progress and be really motivated, but my progress always slowed down. I’d be busting my butt on the treadmill and not getting anywhere. Any progress I had experienced would practically come to a complete halt and I would eventually start to think I wasn’t doing enough. I’d think I have to work out harder, burn more calories, stay at the gym longer.

I’d manage some success…20 or 30 lbs…but progress would continue to stall and that always led me to frustration, exhaustion, and in retrospect I think some cycles of depression. It’s really depressing when you feel like you’ve failed at something…even more so when you feel like you repeated that failure.

Now, after lots of research and reading as well as my own trial & error over the years, I’ve learned more about how my body works and reacts to different types of exercise. I’ve learned how beneficial it can be to switch things up and not let your body become too accustomed to the exercises. I’ve learned how important it is to incorporate some amount of time into working out with weights and building some muscle which helps your metabolism. I’ve started to question everything and ask “is there a different way to approach this”. For example, if I’m putting in 2 miles a day on a treadmill, would there be a benefit to splitting that up? What if I did 1 mile in the morning and 1 mile in the evening? What would that do to my metabolism? There’s only one way to find out…you have to experiment, you have to try different things, you have to question everything. That’s where I’m at.

I’m still tweaking my exercise…constantly actually. I think that’s key. I’m thinking it’s important to look for different ways to walk and flex and at different times of the day. And it doesn’t all have to be boring exercise…what about bowling, yoga, biking, or a stroll through the park. Of course, there are days where I’m just trying to find time for exercise and that can be a battle itself. In those times I also try to think, “how can I get smarter at this and make it more convenient?”

The biggest benefit to this learning has been that it allowed me to realize that all that time I really was working out hard enough. I was doing enough. I was committed enough…. I just needed to work out differently. And that realization has helped to ease the guilt of those years of failing.

It’s a journey… and I’m just trying to stay focused and motivated…


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rubber meet road

I’ve been talking about doing this website for a while, but I had convinced myself that if I was going to be a motivator for losing weight or just getting fit, I should already be able to show that I’ve done it myself. Well, life happens, and for whatever reasons here I am still no further along than I was a year ago. So, I got to thinking that perhaps this drive to do this…blog, Instagram, Facebook, etc…could be what I need to stay on track. The ‘get focused, stay motivated’ slogan I’ve had in my head needs something to get traction on. So I’m diving in to this outlet and perhaps it will get me focused and keep me motivated.

It’s time for the rubber to meet the road.

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